So when I was 17, I was diagnosed with dysthemia and anhedonia. When I was 18 I was meant to be transferred to the adult service. But cause I find it hard to talk to people and they have no idea why I feel the way I do they basically dismissed me, back in September the hospital said they would refer me to a specialist to get me sorted right away, it took two months and they ended up messing up, sending me to someone who normally sections people, so he has no idea what to do with me or how to talk with me, so he throws some pills at me. Tells me to go to some drug addict help place, tells me to keep with the pills though they only do bad things to me then palms me off to my gp like “it’s not my problem anymore” and my gp is leaving soon so he only does 2 days a week if that. So I’m stuck on these pills that do horrible things to my body, it’s now August. I’ve thought about going cold turkey from them, but I swear to God the withdrawal is awful. Not quite heroin withdrawal but still bad. I still keep the noose next to my bed, honestly, it’s the only future I can see me having, and if it wasn’t for my not quite so legal substances, I wouldn’t be here. Yet if I ever get caught, police won’t take that into account, they’d see another drug addict scum. I really hate this world…also I have this one memory of me climbing off a boat because a Chinese submarine shot torpedoes at us to capture us, and we had to kill them take the sub and escape or die, it’s the clearest memory I have right now, I can even remember what song I chose to listen to on an iPod I stole….but surely something like that would of sparked war with the Chinese?